A Luscious Mix of Words and Tricks

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Someone just liked this post I made three months ago. The tag was “Saralyn”. What a joke, to think that this picture wasn’t just a depiction of what was going to happen, but in reverse. (Yes I am still a little bitter.) Anyways, the reason I am posting it now is because, for the first time, I don’t feel awful seeing things like this. It doesn’t really hurt. And that’s important. Sad, terrible, and something parts of me still wish never had to happen. But important. I was happy yesterday, really happy with no underlying sadness, completely content (and only mildly regretful, if I’m being honest) for the first time in a while. Just for one day, but it’s a start.  That’s a big deal to me. Even before… her, I was never really happy. Maybe that’s why things happened the way they did, or maybe there was nothing I could have done, in the end. I don’t think I’ll ever know. What matters is that things will be better from now on, my life is going to improve immensely, and I am going to be happy, and that’s good.

Someday these lame things I posted back when I was naive and hopeful (one of many times, past and probably future) will remind me of someone better.

(via olivinewriting)

the sky comes down
like rain from the clouds
all around fall shards of blue
and pieces of the sunset strewn
all about our shattered hearts
as the world, it falls apart

everyone one day will die
beneath the gaze of any eyes
everyone must leave alone
no one else can come along
what can matter in this world
where we’ve all been unfairly hurled
against our will, against our whim
tossed in the water, told to swim
a world where we just have to take
all the things we cannot shake
where no matter how you try
all the things you love will die.

forget it all now,
close your heart.
all these things you should have known right from the start.
happiness was never yours, not to attain.
all this time you’ve been playing someone else’s game.

numb your mind now,
dull the pain.
lock your love up in the same box as your shame.
she is not the one you thought was meant for you.
all the time you spent, you followed the wrong clues.

in your head you thought it was a dream
you floated in a lovely stream
you wished that it would never end
that any fractures you could mend
but you were foolish to pretend
that love would ever more than lend.

you scrabble now against the dirt
as you tumble down the side of a mountain
headed for a cliff so steep you may never escape
down into the darkness you fall as you fight
with ever ounce of your strength
to hang on to something
you reach out for help
and scream
and cry
but the person who refuses is the one who pushed you.

the sky comes down
like rain from the clouds
all around fall shards of blue
and pieces of the sunset strewn
all about our shattered hearts
as the world, it falls apart

Mika- Happy Ending

This is the hardest story that I’ve ever told
No hope or love or glory
Happy endings gone forever more

I feel as if I’m wastin’
And I wasted everyday

This is the way you left me,
I’m not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No happy ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it’s forever.
Then live the rest of our lives,
But not together.

There is an abyss inside of me.
It is filled with the waters that flooded the earth in days long past
smashing lives long lived into meaningless driftwood
the objects of a story well written no more than debris
in a whirling pool of destruction and enmity
there is a bottomless ocean, filled with sunken ships and broken promises
a black pit swallowing up the endless sea of a thousand disappointments
pooling faster than it can drain.
Nothing could still these raging tides
no Odyssey could make it’s way past this ravening Charybdis
nor the screaming mouth and grasping arms of Scylla
no force could fill the endless crevasse inside of my heart
sucking away at it’s eternal meal of loss.

But you could.

If only you would.

You don’t want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that you’re tearing me asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don’t we?

Placebo- Running Up That Hill.

I really can’t write anything. I’ve been trying and trying and it’s all just worthless shit.
This is idiotic.

I don’t have the words to describe this anymore.
It’s gone past language.

the sound of surf
gulls’ cries echo through misty air
sea spray dancing droplets
green-blue waves, surface of foam

the smell of salt
and ocean blue
somewhere I’d wish
to live with you

sliding quick beneath the waves
spiral swim, our fears erased
twirl and flip through waters clear
sunlight glows through surface near

through the water others come
close to us the dolphins swum
far beneath a shadow passed
mournful whale song fading fast

flowing free beneath the waves
down below we could be saved
if only water we could breathe
would you be the sea with me?

we could be the briny deep
waves of green, we’d never sleep
we could be the water’s flow
no one but us would have to know

life is simple underwater
you could be the ocean’s daughter
i could be Poseidon’s son
all of this could be undone

Come with me beneath the sea
leave behind melancholy
dream with me beneath the surf
i’ll show you how well this can work.